well my little comments page didn't work...oh well!

I wrote that in a notebook, in a corvette, in Illinois, on the way to senior nationals, in Indianapolis, in Indiana, in a pool. (I am now the 12th best 1 meter diver in the United States =D) That's right, i wrote it down in ink...on paper...which was really wierd, cuz i'm used to typing and stuff. The only reason I started this blog was because I liked to type. Writing on paper is so...hard. I mean, i get ink all over my fingers because of the way I hold the pen, and I make tons of mistakes, and my handwriting is barely legible...but sometimes it's just more rewarding to look down at a page full of your own scratchouts, and arrows showing where you edited things...it's nice to have a page that started out white look like a construction yard of words and punctuations. That and you can write as big or as small as you want, like if i want to yell, i can use a whole page for just 4 words, hehe.

I wrote that blog as a tribute to my cousin Liz. She's been there for me when i needed somebody to be there for all this year...this year which has been really tough for me on multiple levels for multiple reasons. I'm going to continue this theme and write tributes to a handfull of other people who have meant more to me than they know. This doesn't mean that the friends of mine don't get tributes are bad friends or anything...it just means that i don't like them as much =D jk

Pibb's quote for the moment: It's hard to play a situation by ear when your heart is beating louder than artillery rounds. -Pibb

She is a bitch. She is the bitch that I bitch to about MY problems. She bitches to me about the people that bitch her out for being such a bitch. She is the bitch I bounce ideas off of, because I know i'll get an honest answer. Please understand that all this bitching happens because we understand each other. How do we know and understand each other so well?...Maybe because we've known each other for our whole lives. During all this time we have watched each other change from children into...well, in my case, a slightly OLDER child...But from her bratty childhood I have witnessed this so-called "bitch" become one of the most intelligent, insightful, caring, and truly genuine people I know. She loves Cardinals baseball more than a fish loves water. She and her family have introduced me to the magic of They Might Be Giants. Her tough girl disguise only hides her very very warm heart. Few emotions are as exhilirating as when I realize (daily) how lucky I am to be blessed with such an amazing cousin and friend.

This post is for Elizabeth (cuz'n liz) Manring

MY HEART IS TOO BIG FOR MY BODY TO HANDLE, I'M BREAKING WITH ANGER AND FEAR AND DOUBT AND PITY AND LONLINESS...I WANT TO SHED IT ALL FOR LESS FEELINGS TO GET ME AROUND ALL THIS PAIN, TO GET ME OUT OF THESE THINGS I FEEL ALL THE TIME...THESE THOUGHTS I CAN'T HIDE FROM, EVEN IN SLEEP, i don't want this lonliness inside me anymore.

she's gone for real this time

(thanks to KELLEH! for this)

if I were a month I would be: July

if I were a day of the week I would be: Wednesday (it's so much fun to say: wed-e-nes-day)

if I were a time of day I would be: middle of the night

if I were a planet I would be: Jupiter

if I were a sea animal I would be: otter

if I were a piece of furniture I would be: rolly chair

if I were a liquid I would be: SOBE!

if I were a stone, I would be: shiny!

if I were a tree, I would be: worth climbing

if I were a bird, I would be: a falcon

if I were a kind of weather, I would be: that weird 30-second downpour

if I were a mythical creature, I would be: dragon or wyvern

if I were a color, I would be: GREEN

if I were an emotion, I would be: backflip happy

if I were a sound, I would be: you know the "most annoying sound in the world" from dumb and dumber?...yeah, that.

if I were an element, I would be: Nitrogen

if I were a car, I would be: small, fast, with shiny rims and dice hanging from the rear view mirror

if I were a song, I would be: Shostakovich's 5th symphony

if I were a place, I would be: in midair, after leaving the diving board-where you feel like you're floating

if I were a material, I would be: rubber

if I were a taste, I would be: refreshing

if I were a scent, I would be: pine tree sap on your sweaty fingers

if I were a religion, I would be: accepting...?

if I were a word, I would be: howdy or indeed

if I were an object, I would be: a yo-yo

if I were a body part I would be: a back

if I were a facial expression I would be: histerical laughter face

if I were a subject in school I would be: science

if I were a cartoon character I would be: spider man

if I were a shape I would be: triangle

if I were a number I would be: 7! SEVEN BABY! YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT!!!! NUMBER 7!!!!!!!

We the willing,
led by the unknowing,
are doing the impossible,
for the ungreatful.
We have done so much,
with so little,
for so long,
That we are now qualified
to do Anything,
With NOTHING.
- Stan Randall

Stan Randall is one of this countries greatest...somethings....

SN- Mr. Pibb
password- *******
post to blog-I AM JARMAN !!!!!!!

i love writing in this thing, but sometimes i'll try to write something decently amusing, or worthwild, or something that i need to get out...but it doesn't happen. Sometimes it doesn't happen because i'm tired, or because i can't remember something, and sometimes it doesn't happen because i won't let it. This is a strange form of our consious(jimminy cricket). It is telling our brain that if you tell anybody these things, they will hate you and you will be destroyed because all of your insides are on the outside...basically i'm afraid to say things that i feel sometimes not because i have a fear of anything, but because the jimminy cricket on my shoulder won't let me for some strange subliminal reason.

Sometimes, certain things come out that i know nobody should see, these things go in the secret blog. YES! the secret blog. i have made it a public blog now, so somehow you might find it, but i don't think you will. Anyway, it's mostly about how i feel about one person. And it's all very sappy and sickening sometimes, so i don't think you'd want to read it anyway. But there is always a part of me that wants to show it to her...just to let her know that much more of how i feel....but i can't because she doesn't want to know, and i have yet to accept that. But like i said, i don't really have anything worth reading to post, so if you have skipped to the end, don't bother reading everything in the middle, because it's pure drivel.
hulk smash

"Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad."
~Christina Rossetti

THAT is a good quote

i beat the hulk today

and i talked to mitch after she saw the movie and the first verdict is in.....
"it wasn't good, it was bad, bad bad bad."
haha, i soooo saw that coming. But i'm gunna see it anyway. And i'm going to yell out, IN THE THEATER...."HULK SMASH!!" every time he hits something. =D

and i and i and i...and chad got the car back today XD I'm so happy i could explode *s'plodes* anyway, it's running great, and they cleaned it too! inside and out...but it needs to be vacuumed, which means cleaning time tomorrow. I'm too tired, so byebye
HULK SMASH!

i got bored out of my mind today, so i went out into the world to waste money. I am here to tell you that i have succeeded....i rented The HULK video game... =\ The entire game can be summed up in two words: HULK SMASH!!! There are some levels where you run around all spy-like as the wimpy, un-incredible Bruce Banner. But every mission where you portray the large and in charge green smashing machine....things get destroyed quickly. Unfourtunately, i can also feel my brain become smashed with the repetitive hit-this hit-that gameplay. Sure it's fun to hit things with fists the size of file cabinets, and it's also fun to slam your hands together so it creates a shockwave of green PAIN towards your enemies...but it gets old...and i fear that the quality of the movie will not make this rental seem like anything other than a waste of time.

The rents got back this week from Lake Tahoe. They also brought back a vacation package thingy that allows us to stay in super-awesome hotels all over the world. (notice how i've been using TONS of hyphens tonight?) So that means that we are fur sure going on another Watters family vacation. Hopefully either back to Europe, or to the carribean...caribean...carry-bee-ann (more hyphens). I'll let you in on more plans as they roll out.

speaking of rolling out, i hate not having my car...as i already complained about earlier...i miss my car.
end of post.

i too tired to post...so all i say tonight is:

WEEL HAVE SWORD!

so the rents are gone til thoizday on a recreational trip just for the two of them...sounds romantic and fun. Anyway, the Vick and i are charge, and that means....basically....less yelling and more free/fun time for everybody. It also means that weel played Zelda for 11 hours yesterday. hehe, my car is still in the shop...thanks to the Vick...grr. But he's older, and it's more HIS car than it is MY car...but wait...that means that my parents trust HIM with the car more than they trust MEEEEEE????? HE'S GOTTEN IN 8 ACCIDENTS! i've gotten in...1...sorta. But it's MY car...yes...my precious *carresses altima* yesssss....

you might have noticed the TMBG last post, because well...i haven't listened to 'em in a while, and i randomly listened to them the other day, and they are STILL my favorite band in the VVORLD! They rock my socks, what can i say? I think i could be in a band. Do vocals or something, cuz some people in the industry aren't cuttin' it....but then again i have no instruments, and no lyrics...and no money..hmm....quite the predicament. Also, i need more sleep...the 8 am class thing is killing me =(. The bed gets WAY more comfortable than it should be...i mean, it takes me forever to get out in the marnin'

M.A.S.H. dude, you know you remember this stuff (play it with a friend!)

Weel's sword gets here on THURSDAY! So if you don't hear back from any of us Watters's after Thursday...you know why.

and here's some TMBG for all you hardcore Giants out there...you know who you are, and if you don't know who you are, then go find out, because you're missing out on yourself...(that was really super cheesy)

Don't have to be your only one
don't have to be something from now on
don't have to be what i want at all
just have to be Unforgotten
i know your new boyfriend, and you belong with him
the truth is my one regret, the truth is my one regret

just have to be unforgotten
just have to beeeee unforgotten

don't have to know what i'm thinking now
don't have to know better days than these
don't have to know where i've been so long
just have to be unforgotten
i know you'd be here now if i had figured out
just how to be unforgotten
just how to beeee unforgotten

Unforgotten-They Might Be Giants


ten miles from nowhere theres a story that's true
about a fine girl and a boy just like you
they fell so deeply, but then fell apart
now they say the same words of what used to be, what used to be...

I blame you(i blame you)
I blame you(i blame you)
I blame you(i blame you)

he drops his car keys and falls on the ground
finds her old hair comb she'd wear into town
can't bear to keep it, or throw it away
gets back down on his knees, puts it back where it lay, back where it lay...

I blame you(i blame you)
I blame you(i blame you)
I blame you(i blame you)

I Blame You- They Might Be Giants

this is one of those late night, sad blogs (sorry teffy). maybe it would have been happier if i posted earlier today, but oh well...

i'm lonely....

...again. and it's beginning to piss me off. it's like i'm not doing something right, and the things i'm doing right, i'm doing with the wrong people....so, um...help?
help
help
help

there's a new Weird Al cd coming out, i'm excited.

and now a quote from M's profile, which is actually lyrics to a song (i saw it today and liked it)

Oh, life must be great like a permanent date
When you're a cheerleader
Oh, The fun doesn't end and your hair is your friend
When you're a cheerleader
Cheerleaders drive Camaros
Cheerleaders don't date geeks
And everybody thinks it's really cute the way she has to S-P-L-L everything she speaks.
All the guys want to date her all the girls want to be her
Next time round, I want to be a cheerleader

Cheerleading's a sport now that's what they're callin' for
Though it's the only sport I know that you put your makeup on for
Some women say that it harms and demeans
Can you guess who didn't make their high school teams?
Hey! Cheerleading teaches you valuable poise
You then can apply to the career of your choice like
Serving up burgers and fries with a smile
Or spraying perfume in the cosmetics aisle

-Dierdre Flint, The Cheerleader Song

first off, i'm sorry for the previous post. I let my emotions escape into my blog and sometimes it ain't purty. But you know what IS purty? GREEN CHOCOLATE MILK!!! w00t!

second of all, i saw this on the blogger site and i was thouroughly amused =D

and coming in at 3rd, it's ROCK CLIMBING!!! I went to the mall today with my neighbor and buddy, Daniel Leeman. In this mall of ours, there is a big big sports store that has a rock climbing wall. I decided that it was time for me...TO CLIMB THE WALL!!!!!! So i payed the $2 and climbed the wall...all 30 feet of it or something. It was at least 3 stories tall. I scaled the beast in 2 minutes and 30 seconds...or something like that, which apparently is pretty fast. But afterwards, my forearms and fingers were SOOOOOOOO tired....because i was climbing...and your arms and fingers get tired when you climb the rock wall....

I'LL POST LATER! AFTER MY MOVIE!

i hate living here, i have no friends, i can't stand living with my parents anymore, i don't know what i'm going to do with the rest of my life, i don't know what i'm going to do in ANY case in the future...which means that i'm living each day like i have nothing to do tomorrow...when in actuality i do, and that makes life really hard for me because i'm so short-sighted...apparently i'm so shortsighted that i couldn't even see the obvious fact that i have nobody, and nobody really wants me. Don't kid yourself if you think otherwise...it's not worth your time.

so what's the fucking point of going on?
diving?--hell no--
school?--no--
hmmmm...maybe i should just stop doing anything and just die already
"oh no evan, we'd miss you!" oh yeah? i'm sorry, you're not worth it!

how does that feel? doesn't that suck? what can you say to me now that i just totally depressed myself to a state of oblivion? say something...try it. oh wait, you're going to have to call me because i don't have electricity, and even if i did, i wouldn't have time to get on the computer because i'm so busy living the STUPID, WORTHLESS, POINTLESS, MEANINGLESS LIFE THAT I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO LIVE. I HATE BEING HERE. I HAVE NOTHING OF VALUE.
I
DON'T
WANT
TO
DO
THIS
ANY
MORE.
FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCK IT FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

go ahead and try to cheer me up, please
because i don't want to die, i'm just tired of living.

I'M ALONE

i'm alone

i'm alone

i'm alone

i'm alone

electricity would be nice to have...but that's cool that every building in town has electricy, but every residence is covered in DARKNESS...boooo

So yeah, my sunburn has turned into dead skin and is peeling off of my shoulders like crazy. At least i can get in the pool every day and have the skin come off in the water...so everybody else can swim around in it...ewww that's nasty. Again, you people ask: how can you post if your house lost electricity? The answer: the church has computers, the community college has computers, and i have been to both of these places recently.

TOTALLY DIFFERENT THOUGHT TIME! yay!
In your dreams, you create people. Sometimes it's people you know, like loved ones or friends or enemies. Other times your brain creates a totally new person in your mind. This person is possibly a combination of two or more people that you know. The point i was really trying to make is this: in your mind, you can create characters and places that do NOT exist, but because you only know what you see in the real world, these places and people have realistic properties and have personalities that you know and understand. (or at least THINK you understand...) In dreams, you can create a person with no face, and very little features, but still identify them as "Fred" or "Dave", like a person you know, ya know? OR you can have a person in your dreams who you look at and instantly think "hey, it's Fred" but in actuality, the only thing that causes you to think that is their physical features. The person who looks like Fred could walk past you and never know who you are, and they wouldn't know you even if you went up and kissed them....that was random. Anyway, this is the worlds longest post about a 3 second thought i had. It never really developed into anything interesting like i had hoped, so i'm gunna apologize now....sorry.

hey kids listen up if you want to be safe
cuz your dinner looks like something like a crumb and dirt cake
think twice before you cuss and shout "damn damn damn"
i'm gunna tell'ya little story 'bout Green Eggs....and HAM!

There was a little man called Sam I Am
Sam I Am: that's me!
Old Guy: i don't like you Sam I Am.
SIA:well do you like green eggs and ham?
OG: i do NOT like green eggs and ham
SIA: would you like them here or there?
OG: i wouldn't like them anywhere
SIA: you know i can see you in a house, eating green eggs and ham with a mouse
OG: maybe you can't hear, ya got somethin' in yer ear?
SIA: NO
OG: i'm gunna make this perfectly clear, i would not like them here or there, i would not like them anywhere!

(more later...)

And to add to that, the power went out last night and i couldn't get online...so that sucked...yeah...But weel, chud, dan, daniel and i played risk again. And as in the last game, i held Europe again with the help of DDM(Dan Da Man). It was a very traumatic game for a while, because i had almost defeated Chad in Africa (he had ONE territory) and on the last roll, he rolled a 1...meaning i had to roll a 2 or greater to defeat him, take his cards, and build up a defense against Daniel and Lee....but no...oh god why?....i rolled a one and he won the battle, and i lost the campaign that round and had spread myself so thin that the next round, Daniel swept through me like a football team through Hometown Buffet. But i came back, and the game has continued on to today, where it is ally against ally. Me vs. DDM....may the best man win.

As you might have expected, here is yet another bitchy blog about how my life ISN'T PERFECT *cue cheesy game show music while the spotlight finds me on a wooden stool, while wearing a blue leisure suit and holding a Bob Barker-sized microphone* That's right folks, it's back to school for The Pibbinator, and that means i get to post about how the littlest, insignificant things that happen to me while sitting in my itty bitty Meramec Community College desk PISS ME OFF! (that was a long sentence) I'm sure all of you know what these posts look like. To quote Troy McClure...You may remember me in such posts as: The Coffee-Guzzling Geography Teacher, GAY SPANISH TUTOR!, and everybody's favorite....Burning Pit of Hell- Study Hall. So be prepared for when i post about how i hate waking up at 8 am, how i hate having a 2 hour long class, how i hate how my math teacher looks at me like i'm TRYING to look tired. Jeepers and gee-golly am i excited for those of you that read my blog, because it's going to be an exciting summer!

7th on 3 meter, 2nd on 1 meter, and i got sunburned really really really really really really really really really bad....well, not as bad as when i got really really really really really really really really really really really really really sunbured in Los Angeles. it took me and Jaime 9.5 hours to drive to Dallas from St. Louis....then again, we were driving my dad's TL at around 80-100 mph the entire way, so it went by rather quickly. Speaking of which, we got it up to 120mph in Oklahoma somewhere...which was cool! =D I start summer school tomorrow at 8 am....
...PRAY
FOR
EVAN!
(congrats to all my 2004 graduates!)

tell her about it
tell her everything you feel
give her every reason
to accept that you're for real
tell her about it
tell her your crazy dreams
let her know you need her
let her know how much this means

-my (now older) little freshman freind, LA (i don't know where she got it, but i like it)

i'm goin' to Dallas tomorrow...actually later today for the senior zones meet. I feel like maybe if i dove the meet of my life i could make nationals. And that'd be neeto in my speedo =D But it would also mean going to another meet across the country and paying for more stuff and all that junk. But it'd be cool fo sho. If any of my Texas friends want to drive on up for the meet it will be at SMU friday and saturday(yeah right, who's gunna drive 4 hours just to watch Evan dive) so yeah, not just me, but a bunch of the other best divers in the nation will be there too! ....holy crap am i advertising a diving meet?....that's just SICK. I won't be back till sunday, so don't expect much, unless i find a computadora down der. Speaking of which, Grasshopper fixed this computer(the one at home) so i gave him 2 bucks =D After a weekend (almost a week) of living by myself with 3 cats and no computer i have come to the conclusion that i am not ready to live on my own yet. Mostly because i ended up watching way too much TV and thinking about dana so much that i almost lost control of...my ability to control myself.

VVISH ME LUCK IN DALLASSSSSSSS!
(did you notice how many parethesis i used?(egad, yes) it was a lot)
($5 for the first person to tell me how many different pairs of parentheseez i used)

Wands


Which Tarot Suit Are You?
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l.m.n.b.a.s.i.j.a.i.

love means never being......a.s.i.j.a.i.
why can't i know?
is it not true?
...tell me, dana.