Wake up- be scared

woke up after trying to go to sleep...
correction: sat up and all of a sudden became overwhelmed with an emotion that hasn't been this intense for a LONG time.

I woke up horribly sad.
like my friends lost their jobs and cars and pets and died all at once.
like my parents and coach and relatives all abandoned me.
i'm sorry, these are horrible things to bring to mind, but i have to get it out

I miss my brothers. And my sister. They've been gone and i haven't seen them in a long time, or so it feels. I have been buying a bunch of worthless crap lately to try and fill some sort of void....and that's a bad habit, because soon i'm not gunna have any money.

I don't mind living at home, but the truth is, i miss my home in texas. I miss the many many good friends i (STILL) have down there.

I'll be fine tomorrow, but right now i feel like my dog died....cat, for that matter, but who cares. I'll live and tomorrow is Saturday.
Gimme a hug.
Please.
(yes, i'm begging(pathetic, yes, but do it anyway))

evan doesnt know im here

he he he. This be Teffy! invading the jarmans blog for a day he he. . .
hes gone. . he done left to california to get me a post card. . .oh and maybe do some diving or something. . .
ne ways so im here ha ha
 
 
um. . .i ran outta things to say.
i guess. . hey yall who dont know me im tephy. i'm in SA and you need to send me a post card
from where you are. cause i dont have one from there . . .he he.
 
HI
 
okay im going to get into trouble for being in here he he. . .ttyl
 
kiss kiss ciao

Holy fucking shit i hate this bullshit

I hate the fact that i'm in a position right now where i have to accept everything that is handed to me. I have to go to summer school and PASS MY MATH CLASS OTHERWISE MY LIFE IS RUINED. I totally set myself up for this kind of position and it sucks. I'm at a stage in diving where Greg is becoming convinced that he knows the reason why i'm so pissed off every time i get frusterated at practice. I'm working at Sonic because my dad told me it was time to get a job or start paying rent OR find another place to stay. And of course i knew that it would be coming, but for him to spring it on me and weel like he did this summer really makes it feel like....

I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER MY LIFE.

And it really sucks doing everything for somebody else...especially when the somebody else is yelling at you or threatening you. I have no goals in life. I have no plans, no ambitions and nothing to look forward to. I assume that the people around me (the older, responsible, leader-type people) have noticed this also and have taken a step FOR ME...thereby telling me what to do, etc. And i would have no problem with that, because hey...i can't not have a goal forever. But it really fucking sucks to be me right now.

Boo hoo
complain complain
spoiled little brat
"you can do whatever you set your mind to"

if you'd like to try setting my mind for more than 12 hours and you'll find that it's about as easy as building a pyramid with live hedgehogs.
GAH!!!!!