Old School Pool

The nostalgic/sumg/satisfied/confused feeling. The [insert eyebrow raising adjective here] feeling of knowing exactly how old you are... or how long you've devoted your time to something, or how hard a task has been, or how upset you get even THINKING about that one time you had to shut your mouth and listen to somebody shove their bullshit down your throat. I was on campus, and glanced over at the old natatorium. I remember winning meets in that pool, losing meets in that pool, and learning so much just by BEING in that pool. It's the "old pool" now and i'll probably never go in it again, because they're going to tear it down.

This time last year I entered that pool thinking that diving would be something I could do forever, that it was something I would use for the rest of my life. That's true: I will use the confidence and dedication from my diving career for the rest of my life. But knowing how to do a front 3 and 1/2, or knowing what completing a winning dive off 10 meter feels like.... that kind of thing is a memory. And I have one year left to make all the memories I can.

I'm 21 years old. I still play video games(Hulk) constantly. I bought an anime dvd (Samurai 7) this weekend and loved it. This is the last year I will be diving competetively. I could try and train for seniors, but I don't want to because I feel old. Will continuing diving make me feel younger? maybe... but i'd rather feel old. Correction: I'd rather feel like a grown-up. I'd rather feel like i'm not some freshman college student-athlete who has no idea what he wants. Feeling lost without even a moral compass to tell me i'm right or wrong. I feel like i've been wandering in that state for close to 4 years now and i'd rather make up my mind and PLAN FOR SOMETHING, ANYTHING. I have something in mind. But more on that later.

I am busy with school, taking classes that i love. So allow me to take responsibility into my hands and leave the blog while i spend time in study hall.

HULK: Ultimate Destruction is awesome.

searching without finding

I left my cell phone at home today. "What time is it? hmm, let me check my PHONE THAT I LEFT AT HOOOOOMMMMMEEEE" There are few things that leave me feeling as helpless as i do at the moment. "Dude! that guy has the same armor for sleep shirt that Nigel has! I'll call Nigel and tell him I DON'T HAVE MY PHONE OMGZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" The strobe light that pops once, reaching into my empty pocket and finding nothing but LINT. It's a huge painfull moment of loss, after which i realize that my fone is just sitting on my bed, probably under a t-shirt or pillow. The whole idea of reaching for a phone that's not there, or grabbing something in a dream, only to wake up squeezing your fingers into an empty fist. It's nice knowing that after years of trying to find something, i've finally succeeded. That i've found someone who i never want to let go of. And that is really comforting... even though i can't call her to tell her that i saw 3 different Nabokov books today. :P

I'm going to try and come home this weekend. Stephanie says she could give me a ride, which is really generous of her :D
Anyways, shark gets her wisdom teeth taken out today. So everybody pray for shark. And for her teeth.

I need a new computer.
(PS - i'm on break right now in the bookstore, after which i have to go to practice, after which i have to go see my advisor and change my major from interdisciplinary studies to Classical Studies, after which i have to go back to work.)
(PPS - my great grandmother turned 100 this weekend. we threw her a party. I played my violin for the first time in like... 2-3 years. i enjoyed it)
(PPPS - Friend of a Duck)