The facade of the decade

I smoked my pipe in my car on the way to work today.

For some reason that sentence sounds awful...

I walked into work today smelling like pipe smoke. And somebody noticed. I didn't reek of pipe tobacco, but I walked past someone and they asked
"Do you smoke a pipe?"
"Yes, I do."
I don't smoke a pipe to feel or look cool, I actually like the taste of the smoke. But I definitely felt cool - somebody noticed meeeeee.

Nothing amazes me like weather. It's rare, but sometime weather will simply BLOW ME AWAY *slaps knee several times*

Rodort and I sat down in Lee's room today and started messin around with me on the keyboard and him on the guitar. We didn't really get anywhere, but we listened to some Jonathan Coulton, Andrew Bird, and "King of Carrot Flowers, Pt. 1" by Neutral Milk Hotel. I say we didn't get anywhere, but I mean that in a sense of we didn't get to a DESTINATION. We are definitely going somewhere though. More work and this will develop. We've both got time to kill so might as well put some use to good effort..or ourselves putting something... good...somewhere....

Is there anything wrong with being scared? Because i'm scared as hell right now and I LOVE IT!

This feeling I’ve been working on for a while now has felt exhilarating. I’m in love.

But I’m not necessarily in love with a person… particularly… It’s more of me being in love with the good things that I have in my life. I’m calm. I’m never angry. I’m happy and have a full grasp of being happy again. I don’t know if I’ve been feeling depressed or whatever; but right now I’m definitely on a high. And I’m not sure if I should ride this like a wave while it’s here, or if I should just start preparing myself for what it’s going to be like when I’m no longer on this “high wave”. It’s scary, like I said. BUT IT’S KICKASS TOO!

I hate the idea of a resume. I think resumes are stupid. If you want somebody to toot their own horn, have them do it in person so you can gauge their humility while they’re tooting. Resumes are for COWARDS. That…was harsh. Mostly, that’s how I feel about jobs that require resumes and people that work for their resume…because it’s what their resume needs, etc. I hate people that work in hopes of being the guy who looks at resumes. I hate jobs where the guy looks at a resume and says “oh, let’s just take the best resumes and leave the rest of the applicants”. How does that make any sense? A resume can’t sum up a person. Nothing can. Fuck resumes. (/end bitter)

Queens of the Stone Age has been rocking my face into outer space the past few weeks. Jazz and some other indie artists have been hitting it off with me BIGTIME, but QotSA is playing on my Pandora station(the channel is named “Gorillavolta of the Stone Doom”) as I write this. And Danzig just came on. I’m in for a fun night by myself blogging :D

I don’t know what else to say about whiskey. And I don’t think there is any other way to say this:

I feel like I was born with the natural ability to enjoy whiskey.

How gross is that? Isn’t that gross? No. I love a good scotch -or- bourbon. The flavor buttered into good whiskey makes it worth sipping. Sure it gets you drunk too, but enjoying it as it is meant to be enjoyed is, for me, a real pleasure. Sometimes that means I get drunk drinking it…. win/win. The shitty part is that now I feel like a snooty drinker for having a fine taste in whiskey. My favorite bottle is only like 23 bucks, so that’s not painfully snooty, and it’s cheaper than Jack, so… YEAH. I dunno, I still feel like I’m defending myself to people about how much I like whiskey.

I suppose saying that I miss being in love with someone is redundant. I’m fantastic right now. But I miss… being..with…someone. Yes, I know mom, maybe I just haven’t met that “special someone” yet. Yes, I know I’m young and have lots of time, and yes mom, I know I’m an attractive young man. I don’t need to make mom any grandkids anytime soon either. That’ll be for like… later in my life after I’ve done shit.

Then again, I don’t need anybody if I just wander the earth, right? Hmm…oooh….yeah?....whaaaa…..utinniiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Tao

There is no god. I feel completely legitimately happy saying that too. There was a long time that I felt that yeah, there was a God and a savior and a reason to be good and a reason we did evil things. But now, and forever, I feel like i've found my reasons to believe anything. Also, that there IS no savior and there IS no god... well... maybe haha. Good and evil will always be around, just like the polarized world we live in (yes/no, true/false, right/wrong). It's a way people understand. It's a yin/yang thing as much as it's a heaven/hell thing. If you feel like picturing thoughts or feelings or decisions or anything as a PLACE, then go with heaven and hell. Sure, it's fun to think about little red dudes with goat legs, horns, tails and pitchforks. But what the FUCK is that supposed to mean? Goats are evil animals? Pitchforks are used by evil people? Evil seeks out people who wear a lot of RED?

I'm only really writing this because I can't seem to focus my energy on anything else. So thank god I have a blog otherwise all this would be WORTHLESS, hahaha. Also, hahahaha for thanking god. I mean, maybe there was something like a god or being or rice krispy treat that started all this shit in the middle of nothing. So sure, let's call it GOD. And it poofed something to start expanding a universe and by some infintesimal fraction of a chance, life sprung up. Sprung up here, on earth. You know, it's a planet... in the middle of fucking nowhere... where there are elephants and bacteria and clouds and fungus. Remember that planet? Yeah, i'm posotive that GOD has no fucking clue that we're out here. GOD is probably still tripping balls on the explosion that was the big bang. But my point is, whatever created everything has left it alone. Miracles aren't miracles to everyone. That's a fairly depressing point, but it makes a bit of sense. People will be able to poke holes in every theory, in every feeling, and tear apart everything you've created. Maybe that's why I came on here.
Maybe that's why we're all here.
To make some sense of something, then fail at it.
To feel invincible, and then die.

...no.. that's not why we're here. That's what we all do, but that's not what it is to be alive

Explaining to yourself that part of you WON'T die.
Convincing yourself that you will create something.
Feeling like you made a difference... in anything.
Being who you are and living in peace.

That's pretty much all I have to say. Ever. Heh.

this is not a riddle

It's OHrange. It's red. It's white. It has no color. It's pitch black with flashes of noises and scents. Indescribable scents. The kinds words can't convey. Smells that could write for miles. It's warmth on a day that's too hot. It's chilling on a day that's too cold. It makes you sweat. It's good. It's a gasp after pressure. It's a kiss before a touch. It's a waterslide, it's two waterslides. It's always over before it began. It's impossible to package. It doesn't fit into anything but it fills the room you're in. There's never just one.

sorry
kinda

one, two, three, four

Do you like American Music? I like all kinds of music.

Hangin out last night kicked ass. Like, all of it kicked ass. I woke up from my sleep (which i can only call sleep because it wasn't a nap, but i also didn't sleep last night, so that was the only sleep i got all day yesterday) and the rest of my day was awesome. Played some hardcore rockband with soko, ate pizza at his place, showered, then went to see The Orphanage with Jen and Marco down at the loop. After the movie we picked up a little food and a few drinks and then partied at the parent's place. Started out in the kitchen, then migrated towards more drunken rockband in the basement with sara, steff, emma, and weel. Jen and Mark left and came back with lulu, kyle, and his friend. More ensuing fun and I was very drunk and laughed pretty much nonstop between air-humping, finger-butthole plugging, workin "11" outside, reading newspaper comics, cooking amazing omelettes with weel, or watching people either sing horribly and ROCK THE SHIT OUT OF A SONG or sing well and ROCK THE SHIT OUT OF A SONG.... it was a good night.

I finally realized that i'm back on the level. Instead of everything feeling like i'm going nowhere, i feel like i'm on my way to actually changing myself around and doing something new. I've crossed over into the what-i-used-to-call "good zone." AND I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW IT. Where possibilities have been there, i'm not fully ready to seize. CARPE. It's a great feeling.

I also need to exercise. Soko would be down for that. I'll do that. Rodort also would be down... but he wants to jump again and i'm going to have to tell him no. I'll do other workouts... but that jump workout was INSANE. I'm worried actually about the apartment. Lee got accepted to Columbia college and won't be living with us... so we have to pay rent... or move... or do something else because our apartment situation kinda bites.

[interruption]
i'll pick this up later

my baddie is called "11"

This is as candid as ever. I'm too lazy for anything else.

I apologize ahead of time for the censorship of a few lines.
Steff knows what was said, and nobody else needs to read that.

Other things I thought about censoring... but then again I'm really not ashamed of anything on here. Sure it mentions a few items that are considered illegal. But I honestly have no remorse. I have assumed risk into my life. I'm "living on the edge."

[06:12] Evan: basically, I'm going to have a conversation with your away message
[06:12] Evan: why? because it's 6am and i'm bored
[06:12] Evan: that's why
[06:13] Evan: I looked up a bunch of candidates today online.
[06:13] Evan: Obama, Edwards, Clinton, and McCain
[06:13] Evan: i've loved John McCain for a long time
[06:13] Evan: he's talked a lot about keeping people from going strait to one party or another[06:14] Evan: so he's been called a Republicrat or Demlican or whatever
[06:14] Evan: which i think
[06:14] Evan: is great
[06:15] Evan: so he's been steady eddie for me as a senator, made a lot of really impressive remarks about genuine issues like family and individuality
[06:15] Evan: but he differs on a few other important things for me like marriage
[06:16] Evan: which is weird, because i agree with him about abortion besides the whole "getting rid of it" part that he proposes
[06:16] Evan: anyway
[06:16] Evan: i hope he gets the Republican bid
[06:16] Evan: because i like him
[06:17] Evan: and wouldn't mind him
[06:17] Evan: as president
[06:17] Evan: yeah
[06:17] Evan: moving on...
[06:17] Evan: Hillary Clinton has supported a handfull of the DUMBEST videogame legislation i've ever heard of
[06:18] Evan: and has repeatedly spoken out against videogame violence with Joe Leiberman (who is terdnugget)
[06:19] Evan: besides that, she's A-OK: family values, environmental action, governmental responsibility
[06:19] Evan: but yeah, I really can't forgive her for that bullshit.
[06:19] Evan: that hits too close to home when she's supporting crap that hasn't even had substantial test results... videogames should be treated as art
[06:20] Evan: neeeeeeext up: THE ED
[06:20] Evan: John Edwards would make a fantastic president
[06:20] Evan: i like him
[06:20] Evan: he's homegrown
[06:20] Evan: HE HAS SMOKED WEED
[06:22] Evan: and stands for great ideas to strengthen our economy (on a corporate level and a national budget level)
[06:22] Evan: he seems too well-tailored, though
[06:22] Evan: he's an A+ in my book, i like him alot
[06:22] Evan: that being said
[06:23] Evan: I really want to vote for Barack Obama
[06:23] Evan: because his campaign is beautiful
[06:23] Evan: fuck me
[06:23] Evan: even is little icon on his website is a little image of a sunrise.. that's brilliant[06:25] Evan: he's all about changing
[06:25] Evan: and yeah every fucking presidential candidate says that
[06:25] Evan: but he's BLACK
[06:26] Evan: AFRICAN AMERICAN
[06:26] Evan: HE -IS- CHANGE
[06:26] Evan: CHAZZ MICHAEL MICHAELS -IS- FIGURE SKATING
[06:26] Evan: (these are the things i relate to, bear with me)
[06:27] Evan: one thing that busted my head open was his idea to reward states and businesses to encourage them to be more environmentally friendly
[06:28] Evan: and i'm not just saying friendly
[06:28] Evan: he's gung-ho on changing the way Americans depend on oil
[06:28] Evan: he's been to Detroit
[06:28] Evan: O_O
[06:28] Evan: yeah
[06:28] Evan: he's ballsy
[06:28] Evan: i want a ballsy president
[06:28] Evan: with a vision like that
[06:28] Evan: not a ballsy president
[06:29] Evan: who thinks we should be defending ourselves
[06:29] Evan: by invading
[06:29] Evan: fuck that
[06:29] Evan: fuck uber-democratic Hillary
[06:29] Evan: and hell yes to Obama who wants to empower me
[06:29] Evan: ME
[06:29] Evan: EVAN!
[06:30] Evan: HE KNOWS MY NAME! (now that i've registered my email address on his website)
[06:30] Evan: WE ARE PALS
[06:30] Evan: yeah well
[06:30] Evan: those are my candidates
[06:30] Evan: and the only real reason i typed all of this out
[06:30] Evan: was because i was bored and falling asleep at work
[06:31] Evan: i normally hate talking about politics
[06:31] Evan: but since you can't talk back...
[06:31] Evan: THIS IS GREAT
[06:31] Evan: hahaha
[06:31] Evan: hmm
[06:31] Evan: i think i'll put this on my blog
[06:31] Evan: :D
[06:31] Evan: yikes
[06:32] Evan: after i'm done ranting i'll be sure to put a big warning message at the end
[06:32] Evan: so when you're like "oh Evan left me messages"
[06:32] Evan: you can see the giant "READING ALL OF THIS WILL TAKE 20 MINUTES" message
[06:32] Evan: and then chill, shower, breakfast, and read it later or whatever
[06:33] Evan: anyway
[06:33] Evan: to continue ranting
[06:33] Evan: about something else
[06:34] Evan: i feel crappy when i'm not in lvoe
[06:34] Evan: ...love...
[06:34] Evan: yeah
[06:34] Evan: that's accurate
[06:34] Evan: i feel like
[06:34] Evan: crap
[06:34] Evan: when i'm not in love
[06:34] Evan: i don't know why or how else to say it
[06:34] Evan: i honestly feel like i need someone else in my life
[06:35] Evan: because i don't feel rewarded otherwise
[06:35] Evan: so i feel like emma i guess
[06:35] Evan: because she always has to be with someone
[06:35] Evan: and yeah, i feel that way too... but i'm not going to be a fucking moron about it[06:35] Evan: i know that a meaningful relationship with someone isn't easy and is worth waiting, or holding out for
[06:36] Evan: and making out with annie was fuckin STOOOOOPID
[06:36] Evan: she started it
[06:36] Evan: Kelsey's not mad either
[06:36] Evan: well... i mean she kinda was but she was like "no big deal"
[06:36] Evan: i was like "no big deal, eh? how many people have you regretted making out with, then?"
[06:37] Evan: "......."
[06:37] Evan: yeah, shut up, Kelsey
[06:37] Evan: lol
[06:37] Evan: it was funneh
[06:37] Evan: but anyway
[06:37] Evan: [i'm gunna put brackets where i edited, starting with this line - jar]
[06:37] Evan: [ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ] me being a whiney little BIOTCH
[06:38] Evan: THAT NOBODY CARES ABOUT
[06:38] Evan: AND THAT EVERYBODY THINKS SMELLS FUNNY
[06:38] Evan: AND LOOKS FUNNY TOO
[06:38] Evan: ...
[06:38] Evan: [- - - - - - - - - -]
[06:38] Evan: [- - -]
[06:38] Evan: [- - -]
[06:38] Evan: [- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -]
[06:39] Evan: :)
[06:39] Evan: [ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -]
[06:39] Evan: [ - ]
[06:39] Evan: [- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -]
[06:44] Evan: MOVING ON
[06:44] Evan: the classic rock station here at the gym is so so soooooo much better than the 90's hits or Adult Contemporary station we usually play
[06:44] Evan: therefore, the morning shift has it's perks
[06:45] Evan: that comic book I bought
[06:45] Evan: the ultimate spider-man one
[06:45] Evan: was goood
[06:45] Evan: i'm getting another one
[06:45] Evan: comic books are a medium that speak to me
[06:45] Evan: and inspire me
[06:46] Evan: maybe i'll go back in there and buy something really different
[06:46] Evan: hmmm
[06:46] Evan: yeah
[06:46] Evan: i'll do that
[06:50] Evan: i steal a lot from the gym
[06:50] Evan: i'm in charge of the fridge
[06:50] Evan: that holds all the propel and water and shakes and stuff
[06:51] Evan: i am also in charge of all the supplement bars and cookies
[06:51] Evan: so yeah
[06:51] Evan: they are overpriced
[06:51] Evan: so instead of paying $3 for a powerbar
[06:51] Evan: i just eat it
[06:51] Evan: and don't pay for it
[06:51] Evan: instead of paying $2 for a propel
[06:51] Evan: i just drink it
[06:52] Evan: there is a LOW likelihood that i'll get caught
[06:52] Evan: because tons of trainers just charge stuff to their accounts freely
[06:53] Evan: and it's impossible to determine how much merch. is on the shelf or in the storeroom at any given time due to the monthly billing of the trainers on top of the constant anytime purchases of members
[06:53] Evan: soooooo i steal
[06:53] Evan: maybe
[06:53] Evan: $10 in food
[06:53] Evan: a week
[06:53] Evan: MAYBE that much
[06:53] Evan: and i only do it when i'm DYIN for something
[06:53] Evan: like if i'm hungover
[06:53] Evan: or if i'm draggin and fallin asleep
[06:56] Evan: the internet usually provides me with enough entertainment most of the time[06:56] Evan: but i mean
[06:56] Evan: I CAN ONLY GO DOWN THE OREGON TRAIL SO MANY TIMES IN 4 HOURS[06:56] Evan: IT GETS OLD
[06:56] Evan: AND IT'S FAR TOO EASY
[06:58] Evan: speaking of which
[06:58] Evan: i made a family/g-force wagon
[06:58] Evan: it was a hodgepodge of close friends
[06:58] Evan: but just now
[06:58] Evan: i made a DIVER wagon
[06:59] Evan: which was really interesting to see how many of my friends on facebook
[06:59] Evan: were friends of mine
[06:59] Evan: solely through diving
[06:59] Evan: it was like 40 people
[06:59] Evan: i was like "...cool."
[07:00] Evan: anyway, Kelsey Anagnos has gotten lost AND bitten by a snake on this trail already this morning
[07:01] Evan: and i'm barely through Kansas
[07:01] Evan: she'll never make it
[07:02] Evan: the thing is though
[07:02] Evan: after she got lost... shouldn't she be off my wagon?
[07:03] Evan: because i mean
[07:03] Evan: she keeps getting fucked by the trail
[07:03] Evan: she should die already
[07:03] Evan: but she's still in my wagon
[07:03] Evan: ...i mean... i can still eat her
[07:03] Evan: hmmm whatever
[07:04] Evan: hopefully all these messages and shit will be entertaining for you
[07:04] Evan: and not just annoying because you're OCD and will have to read EVERY SINGLE LINE
[07:04] Evan: or am i wrong and you skim
[07:04] Evan: and pick
[07:04] Evan: and choose
[07:04] Evan: to read
[07:04] Evan: just the short lines
[07:04] Evan: like these
[07:04] Evan: because if that's the case
[07:08] Evan: i'll just write gigantic messages like this and ramble on and on about nothing and this one huge long epic mega stupid run-on sentence will just be a waste of your time and a waste of mine besides the fact that my fingers are getting a workout using energy to smack the keys for the dumbest sentence ever created which would just so happen to be this one i'm going to list a bunch of yummy stuff now without commas milk cookies butterfinger BB's diet Coke (better than reg. coke) marajuana whiskey potato-based fried foods bananas with peanut butter and honey PALESTINIAN CONFLICT MUFFINS cheese-meat-salt combinations like nachos sandwiches or chilicheesedogs ok i'm done with this sentence now good luck navigating through it
[07:09] Evan: haha
[07:09] Evan: i'm evil
[07:09] Evan: that was so goddamn retarded too
[07:09] Evan: i just glanced out the window
[07:09] Evan: and the sun is rising
[07:09] Evan: lemme go investigate
[07:09] Evan: and then i'll describe it
[07:09] Evan: :P
[07:10] Evan: it's pink
[07:11] Evan: like a pastel handbag that matches a chihuahua-toting-glitter-phone-texting-Glam-sunglasses-wearing pink track suit
[07:11] Evan: ... what?
[07:11] Evan: ......
[07:12] Evan: i broke in the little green baddie
[07:12] Evan: and i've thought of a name for it
[07:12] Evan: not sure if it's a good name or not
[07:12] Evan: but i like it
[07:19] Evan: also, it poops a lot
[07:20] Evan: then again... i kinda packed the bowl while driving... so i didn't get a chance to be UBER-HYPER-MEGA meticulous like i usually am
[07:22] Evan: "Kim Massaro wants a cigar."
[07:22] Evan: wtf
[07:22] Evan: that's the dumbest update on my wagon EVER
[07:26] Evan: i keep playing the trail
[07:27] Evan: or doing work stuff like checking in members or refreshing towels
[07:27] Evan: then coming back here to check my aim
[07:27] Evan: but yeah.. it's fucking early as fuck
[07:27] Evan: NOBODY IS ONLINE
[07:27] Evan: so instead of just checking it and going back to whatever
[07:28] Evan: i write crappy messages in here
[07:28] Evan: to keep your GAY BORING AWAY MESSAGE company
[07:29] Evan: anyway
[07:29] Evan: thanks for the company
[07:45] Evan: hey!
[07:45] Evan: my friend Jonathan is online!
[07:45] Evan: i can talk to somebody!
[07:54] Evan: he went to work
[07:54] Evan: I'M ALONE AGAIN!
[08:08] Evan: BORING
[08:08] Evan: i got caught stealing
[08:08] Evan: they kill you for stealing
[08:08] Evan: i have to start over
[08:08] Evan: d'oh
[08:11] Evan: OH
[08:11] Evan: remind me
[08:11] Evan: i have girly stuff to show you
[08:11] Evan: my friend from SA makes handbags
[08:11] Evan: and she is always emailing shit out through her group
[08:12] Evan: but she is always sewing and making tons of them and i wanted to see what you thought
[08:12] Evan: i think they're neat
[08:48] Evan: so yeah
[08:48] Evan: work is boring
[08:48] Evan: but i'm gunna go buy another comic book after i get out of here
[08:48] Evan: and then i'm gunna go home and see if i can catch a few winks
[08:49] Evan: and THEN i'm gunna either clean the apartment up or go pick up Dan Martin from the airport
[08:49] Evan: W()()T
[08:55] Evan: crap
[08:55] Evan: scratch that
[08:55] Evan: it's not open til 11
[09:06] Evan: ok i'm out of here
[09:06] Evan: thanks for the chat
[09:06] Evan: i'll warn you now
[09:07] Evan: ALL OF WHAT I'VE WRITTEN ABOVE
[09:07] Evan: IS 100% CERTIFIABLE PSYCHO
[09:07] Evan: SO DON'T JUST START AT THE TOP THINKING IT WILL BE A WALK IN THE PARK
[09:07] Evan: BECAUSE IT MIGHT TAKE A WHILE TO READ
[09:08] Evan: ------------------------------------------
SERIOUSLY, I KNOW YOU'RE TOO OCD TO JUST READ SOME OF IT
----------------------------------------
[09:08] Evan: SO READ ALL OF IT WHENEVER YOU HAVE TIME
---------------------------
[09:08] Evan: IN OTHER WORDS, READING ALL OF THE MESSAGES IS A WASTE OF TIME
-----------------------------------------------


Hopefully this wasn't too much of a shocker for anyone who reads my blog. I do smoke occasionally nowadays, and I don't think it's that bad. True, like alcohol, it's an addictive substance. But when used in moderation, my naivete keeps me from seeing any lasting harmful effects. If you feel compelled to lecture me or convince me that weed is evil, go ahead. I will listen. I won't just humor you. But consider this - I smoke weed in moderation. Don't humor me by trying to tell me it's a gateway drug to shrooms or X or crack. I'm not a fucking moron. Also, smoking with my friends is so much fun. Playing halo and cracking up with Jackie and Steff and Soko has had me waking up with sore stomach muscles from laughing so hard. Lee and I binge on each other when we smoke together; he'll have an idea and start talking about it then i'll be able to push his canoe of an idea down his already blistering fast stream of thought with my own ideas and expressions. I travel with him. It's good.

I'm really glad i'm getting this out on the old blog. Haven't gotten a monster post up here in a while. Nothing quality like this, at least. Hopefully I can let Rodort read my blog and then we'll blog side by side or some shit. He's doing alright with his facebook notes and it's really inspired me to do more with my everyday life. Work takes up time, sure. But i'm currently writing this at work, so I have no excuses.. besides the free-flow-writers-high that occasionally gets interrupted by gym members buying a sugar-free Red Bull. Speaking of t3h workplace, Gamestop is probably gunna let me go because my availability stinks. Oh well!, that job paid crap and was almost 100% corporate BS. My free time can be used to coach more because i'm traveling with SLU's diving team to Buffalo, NY to coach them at their conference meet. Kind of exciting, but also kind of weird because i'm ... Evan... the diver... not Evan, the coach. Who knows, maybe i'll transition into something here soon. Maybe coaching maybe a better job maybe new city maybe new HAIRCUT!

I want a tattoo. The sobe lizards. On top of my right foot. I asked one of the members who is a foot surgeon if that was a good idea. She winced and said "wouldn't that hurt a lot?" So IT'S ON. LIKE DONKEY KONG. Just need to figure out when/where/how much/how big/color/B&W/who i get it with. Because you need to go get a tattoo with a posse or something. This is what i'm told. Because you know, you're sittin there for a while...and a needle is tapdancing IN AND OUT OF THE SURFACE OF YOUR BODY. So yeah. Giggity.

I hate to say it but there's no final boss in this post. It's just meaty, sweaty, and constant. I really wish there was a better way to say i want a tattoo, but i've always wanted one. I wish there was a better way to say that i miss being in love with someone, but there isn't. I wish there was another way to say that i smoke weed now... but I do. So go with it. Chew on it. Spit it out or swallow it, it's there. And that's what Jarman's all aboot.

Rock Band is awesome
I now realize that I
Need to make music

i'm shit

I'm still no longer doing anything. At all.
Writing in this turns nothing into a visual, verbal, fiesta of nothing.
I'm sick of waiting for inspiration and I hate the idea that I REALLY DON'T CARE what happens to me anymore.

I'm not depressed, but i'm REAAALLLLYYYYYY close.

wtf?

I'm actually going to do something? And it will involve something greater than myself?

this isn't a good mood to document

tomorrow?