So I'm of the mind to start writing right now in the middle of the night. I wonder how many writers start in the middle of the night? Probably a whole timezone, at least. There are some things that have a certain sound. What am i saying... EVERYTHING has a sound! The sounds you choose to recall as specifically UNIQUE, or important, are realized only after you hear the sound again. Does recalling sound come easier to some people? I should hope so, they would be my hero.
There isn't a lot to be said about what i've become. I no longer feel impressive, I feel forgotten and meaningless. I don't want to think of diving as this golden time i lived in college or anything, but that's exactly what it's turning out to be if i keep fucking my life over like i have been. Dad's right about health insurance, but i don't really fucking WANT health insurance! I want to be out there! Living desperately! WHY!? I DON'T KNOW WHY! IT SEEMS ROMANTIC.
It seems like whoever finds me at my lowest will know what it's like to be with me at my worst. Why am I waiting for someone to make my life better?
Why am I waiting for someone else to make my life better?
What would make my life better?
What would anyone make any different about my ability to make my own life better?
What do i want to do with my life that i can't do with or without someone else?
Basically, I don't think there's anything I can do ...
Why do I have no self confidence?
What's so great about self confidence? REWARD
What reward do you want?
A girlfriend is not a reward.
I would love a family, but what is the good in seeing a relationship as something you can FORCE?
You can force money.
And that says nothing of who you are and what you do.
I should pack for days.
And be prepared
for the inevitable.