angzieti atayck
I'm not sure if it's seasonal, stress-related, or even PREDICTABLE, but around this time of year i get a visit from the Panic Fairy, who likes to share anxiety attacks with me. I am sharing this information with you cynically because i'd rather not get overly emotional... and/or feel like a bucket of squid tentacles...in the middle of study hall as i write this.
There are the events preceding "the attack": coming home from the Iowa meet and going to the team party instead of dropping by to even say hello to shark, then later going over to her dorm like it was ok. This was the paramount of bonehead ideas. I slept on her floor and then woke up and went home. In a slump all day but we talked it out, and things were fine monday and yesterday, but i still felt weird and for SOME reason couldn't talk to her about it. I didn't know why i was (panicing?) acting/feeling so odd, but shark assumed it was due to our fight. I went home mad for no reason whatsoever and had literally denied Jessica's attempts to talk to me. I was NOT feeling well about that at all, and eventually she let me talk it all out online. After about 20 minutes of me laboring over my current situation of worries, problems, thoughts, plans, moods, etc. i had practically dug my own grave. I was now sitting in a big hole of worries, problems, my wary future, more school, diving ending, and shark being so upset with me because i was being an ASS.
Enter: [THE ATTACK]
I lost control and could barely move. Shark then talked to me and asked if she should come over and I said yes. And she came. :*) Crying smile. So she stayed with me even though she had an 8am class and hadn't done her HW, and then she stayed with me and just SKIPPED her class which she really regrets and which really bothers her because she can't easily make up the lab and she needs to be on top of that class because it's hard and takes so many hours. But she still came over when i needed her and sacrificed all that for me. SO! I like to think... "Every time Shark comes over to see Pibb, a Panic Fairy suffers a chemical burn, gets herpes, accidentally gives out it's credit card number to a guy on Ebay, and LOSES it's wings!!!" So things are better now. I will help shark get back on track in the class she missed even if it means going to her birdwatching lab to be her 'jarnoculars' for a day. A week, all year, whatever. I love her and would do anything for her because she would do the same for me.
[jarnote: i wonder how many fluid ounces of tears the average human can cry in an hour. With a lot of buildup, it just POURS out of you]
This next part of the post is because i promised leeman i'd put it in here.
Yesterday, Sarah Prochaska friended me on facebook. Preschool through first grade, my family lived in Manchester (which is part of St. Louis). Sarah's driveway was the bus stop, and there was this HUGE tree that you could climb while waiting (you'd step up on the mailbox to get into it, heh). I remember always bragging about how she was "the fastest girl in our class." Which i would vouch for, because she could pretty much always beat me in a footrace. She lived nextdoor to none other than NICHOLAS HENDERSON who was my best friend at the time. He had a huge hill for sledding in his backyard, we were on the same baseball and i think soccer teams for at least a little while (we were called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and then TMNT II the next year hahaha). So once Sarah friended me i instantly remembered that Nick plays baseball for Kansas, and checked her friends at Kansas to find none other than NICHOLAS HENDERSON. This is all pretty boring for you guys i guess, but i haven't really seen/talked to these people for about 14 years and it feels to me like i'm justifying my existence and personality by verifying that these friends from my past STILL EXIST. I was really excited to friend Nick, and wrote him a message on facebook...
From:Evan Watters
To:Nicholas Henderson (Kansas)
Subject:blast from the past
Message: hey, Sarah Prochaska just friended me and i saw she was friends with you too. My memories of living in Manchester are still vivid, including that one time we flipped through a Playboy in the woods by the creek, HAHA. Or that time i dropped the sewer drain on your fingers, or playing baseball as the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or that other time when i ran behind you in front of your house while you were swinging a bat and you hit me in the jaw and my gum flew across the street. Good times.
PS - I also remember playing Robin Hood in my basement.
PPS - That's still one of my favorite movies.
My favorite part is where i get hit in the face with the bat. It didn't even really hurt because i was knocked out cold. But all these memories i have from childhood, that don't include my family, have been unrelatable. What i mean is, I feel like these memories have been injected into my brain, and that i need to UNCOVER THE TRUTH... but not really. All i want is to catch up over facebook :D
Nick's younger brother Jake was Lee's good friend, and their dad made this AWESOME snow fort in their front yard one year, and we used to play rollerhockey, and the older boys in the neighborhood would let me play in my shoes because i didn't have skates and we'd play capture the flag and dodgeball on our trampoline, and tease Sarah's dog from her junglegym, and always climb over the fence behind Nick's house to get poison ivy and investigate the creepier areas of our neighborhood. I can still, to this day, walk around that old house with my eyes completely shut. I remember christmas morning when we got the massive Lego pirate ship, monkey and all. And then i remember that Lee destroyed it... and then we had TONS of lego blocks and it was awesome. I remember sitting at the dinner table when mom and dad told us we were moving, i remember the scary german sheperds that the neighbor behind us had and how they tore a pair of my jeans. I remember wanting to dig a hole in the backyard, then turn it into a fort or underground base and live in it. I vaguely remember our above-ground pool, then our dodecahedron dome-shaped junglegym, then our wooden swingset and treefort and monkey bars, and my 1st grade teacher who lived within earshot of our house, and how, when Mr. Mange, our neighbor, doublebounced me on the trampoline, i could see the whole neighborhood and then how i SHAT MY PANTS BECAUSE I WAS SO HIGH OFF THE GROUND. I remember climbing practically EVERY tree in my line of sight, flying down streets on my bike pretending i was on a speeder on "the forest moon of endor." 778 Rockridge or Rockbridge, one of the two. I don't remember our phone number. I remember sledding one winter and accidentally going over the edge and falling into the frozen creek water. Then walking home crying the entire time. But then being so warm in my bed on the top bunk, and then going down to the basement to watch bambi all cuddled up in blankets. I could go on, but i'm boring myself with all this reminiscing, HA! But really, i feel so good right now. All i need to do is go get the rest of my textbooks so i can read on the busride to NOTREDAME this weekend.
